I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
