They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
