You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I am one with the molecules
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
