so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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