piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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