Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
