this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
