the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
