I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
