A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
