omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
