I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
