one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
