What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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