Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
