Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
