Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
