I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
