I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
