I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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