SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
