i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
