I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
True strength comes from lack of pants
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
