I'm so fucking centered right now
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
