I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
