Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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