im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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