well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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