So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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