yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
