fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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