Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
