I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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