alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
