but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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