just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He better not be in your backpack
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
