i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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