He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
