i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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