Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
