Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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