I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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