He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
