I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Someone came in the potted fern
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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