Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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