i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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