Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
