Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
