You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My life is pants optional.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
