Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
