Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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