I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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