I accidentally had phone sex last night
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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