I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
